UNTiL THE DAY i DiE
i SPiLL MY HEART FOR YOU;;
COREY-->> hates THiS.
If it were gonna turn into such a big fucking deal then I wouldn't have fucked Nick at all (that's probably a lie). Damn. I mean, really, the condom breaks, he finds out and tells it to me, then we decide to keep the baby. Things like this are to be expected, dammit, we're American highschool kids. Sex and indulgences are hereditary. Our forefathers fought for the right to get our boyfriends pregnant, God dammit...
Well, we both told our own parents. Our moms flipped their shit and demanded that we take some time apart from each other. Every time I ask how long it's gonna be untill I can see the love of my life, my mom goes and drinks about a million cups of coffee. I told my dad about the little situation, and he just gave me a highfive and then said I better be a good dad.
Why can't moms react like dads?!
Seriously. If I were living with my dad, I would have been hanging out with Nick every day and, you know, making a little sense of our lives and that. It's been three fuckin' months, and I've decided this is the worst summer of my life.
The only way I can communicate to him is by phone, or through Evan/Jake/Jeck/Nikki/Ian/Chrys/etc., but that's no fun. I'm not into phone sex and there is no way I'll relay dirty little messages through my friends. He won't go hang out with any of our friends at their houses because that means drinking and drugs and, well... that's especially bad when you're pregnant. Needless to say.
I've been spending the days of summer hoping for the best but expecting the worst. These little nightmarish, paranoid-esque daydreams pop into my head. I keep saying, "Oh that can never happen." But, you know, I'm not there to protect him.
I'm such a God damn freak.
All I did while in that Nick-less phase is listen to music and think about how I can get him over here. Maybe I'll prank call his mom and say her husband is in jail... The state looks down on sodomy. Ha.
Then again, she doesn't have a husband.
I shouldn't take cues from blink-182 in situations like these. The only other idea I had was to go streaking.
Not gonna happen. Especially when my bestest friend-slash-fellow exhibitionist Evan wasn't here.
Sam knocked softly on my door and pushed it open, looking at me a little sadly. He was a little torn-up for me, and always checked up on me so that I didn't do anything stupid. Like piss Mom off.
"What's up, kid?" I asked, sitting up. I offered him a big smile that he probably saw right through.
"Mom wants to talk to you."
I nibbled on my lip, trying to read his expression. Depending on what it was, I could tell how Mom was feeling, but Sam wasn't giving me any slack. I sighed and started out of my room.
She was sitting on the couch, not giving me much along the lines of an expression.
"Yo."
"Ms. Grey and I have been talking," she said, a little airily, with a pause. Dammit, she was gonna make me wait.
"Yeah?"
"And you're both moping around like little emo kids."
I stifled some laughter. Mom has been talking to Sam waaaaayyy too much. Either that or she's been watching too much FUSE.
"So we decided it'd be all right if you hang out together again."
I ran up to her and gave her a big hug, grinning like the idiot I am. I opened my mouth to tell mom I was gonna run over there right now, but she stopped me.
"He's coming over."
"Oh, God, you DO love me!" I yelled, running right back up to my bedroom. I did a Superman style dive right onto it and crashed into the wall, but I didn't care much about the minor head pain.
Don't patronize; if you haven't seen your little emo skater for three whole months you'd be acting like a freak too.
The minutes ticked away like hours, but next thing I know I feel weight on my back.
"Nick? Or are you Sam being an asshole?"
"It's me." Nick said. He kissed the back of my neck and I rolled over underneath him. Without missing a beat, I attached my lips to his and wrapped my arms around his waist. Which had definitely expanded over three months.
Oh, delicious. Chubby Nick. This was gonna be fun.
"You're getting pudgy, babe," I said, once we broke apart. He sighed and laid his head down next to mine.
"I missed you too."
"I missed you like you wouldn't believe." I muttered, into his hair. I pushed the back of his shirt up and moved my hands comfortably onto his back, like I always did. "Thought about you everyday."
He lifted himself up a little and looked me in the eye with a 'oh really?' look on his face.
"What kind of thinking, Corey Jason?"
"What kind do you think, Nicholas Levi?"
Nick laughed at me and laid his head down again. There was silence between us, but there was The Blood Brothers playing gently through the room. Crimes, I think. I dunno, I wasn't paying attention.
Despite the silence, we were communicating. My hands had linked with his, and I was squeezing them periodically, remembering how they felt, trying to pick out differences.
"Has much changed in the last three months?" I asked him softly.
"I'm getting pudgy." he groaned.
I laughed and kissed his cheek. One of my hands left his and traveled up to the back of his neck. He tensed a little at that; very sensitive area for my baby; but relaxed again.
"I love you." I said. I felt him smile.
"'Course you do, you chubby chaser."
"More cushion fer the pushin'."
Nick sighed and laid his forehead against mine. I kept my green eyes locked onto his pretty brown ones, unable to look away even if I wanted to. He's got this sort of gravity about him that pulls people in and holds them there. I don't know why that is, it simply just is. Once you sit down and talk with the kid, you can't really walk away. Unless you're one of those strictly superficial shallow bastards who would fail to drown in a puddle of themselves.
He's just got this pull about him.
Like he's the moon and I'm just the tides.
Oh, if only he knew how much he meant to me.
"I really love you."
"I love you too." he said, "And I wish that I could see what you're thinking."
"If you knew what I was thinking, you'd think I was a freak."
"Never." he said, then after a minute, added, "Unless you're thinking about chasing down a goat and fucking it or something weird like that."
"Nicholas Levi Grey, you are just delicious."
With that, I rolled him around underneath me so that I was straddling his waist. He looked mildly surprised at me, but definitely approving.
"I was just thinking about how much you mean to me." I said. I placed my hands on his tummy, trying to feel the little growing baby inside him.
"How much do I mean to you?"
I laughed. I wanted to be able to articulate my feelings exactly. But I'm not as good with words as I'd like to be... Isn't that the case with a lot of people?
"These past three months, you are all I've thought about. I was just trying to hold onto what we had, because I didn't know if your mom would whisk you off to Canada or whatever. It was driving me crazy. Just hearing your voice isn't enough. I need to see you, you know?" I brought a hand to his cheek, and the other to his side, "I'd be a mess without this."
"You're tellin' me." he said gently, "Mom kept calling me an emo kid 'cause apparently, I was moping."
I laughed again, laying my head on his chest.
"First order of business after the baby, reducate our mothers."
"Word."
Then there was silence again, but I didn't mind. I'd take just feeling him over just hearing him any day. Something about touching him would made up for those three months. Probably because I'm better with my hands than I am with my words. Maybe that's why Nick stuck around. 'Cause if there's anything I pride myself on, it's my skill in bed.
"Nick, why'd you keep me for this long?" I wondered aloud.
"Well, I love you. You have a Hello Kitty tattoo on your ass. You're a beast at guitar and Dance Dance Revolution. You can recite every single line to Monty Python and The Holy Grail. You make the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever tasted. And you make the most adorable noises when I kiss your tummy." he said. Then he added, "Among other things."
"Other things?"
"Yeah. Like... I have a baby growing inside me that's gonna have two parents. Right?"
"Of course. Now roll over so I can fall asleep next to you."
Nick scooched his pregnant ass over and onto his side, where I settled in next to him. He had this adorable smile on his face, this little glint in his eye, and such a tone of conviction. If there's one thing he can do, it's convince me of anything.
Ahh, yeah, we're gonna be all right.
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--
And I won't say you're useless,
'cause I've seen you dream...
--
"Travis, what the fuck are you doing?"
"I'M GOIN' T' TH FUGGIN' MOON!"
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